Woes of a Working Momma

Charina Urban
Jun 6, 2017
3 min read

Today on my lunch break I sat in my car munching on a Greek salad, blasting the AC, and pleading with God.

Begging him for an open door, an opportunity, and every other descriptor that boiled down to one simple request.

More time with my son and less time feeling trapped in an office and attached to an i-Phone waiting for the ball to drop.

Something, ANYTHING, that would give me more time to watch him grow, engrave his half toothless grin into my memory bank, and chase him around the house on all fours.

I have devoted my entire adult life to caring for and being an advocate for children. I have (almost) two degrees,multiple references, a tattoo, and a bunch of words on a resume to prove it, But lately I can't help but feel like I'm exhibiting all that devotion to every kid but my own.

I have to work late a few nights a week and I miss bath time and putting Pax to bed. He may not remember that, but I will. And those are nights I am never going to get back.

My own mom told me over and over again, "you're going to hate working. You're going to want to stay home with your babies". And I responded every time with, "yeah right". I have always been education and career driven. I like to stay busy and constantly have something to do. I figured I'd be bored staying at home and if I spent all this time and money to get a degree, well then I needed to do something with it. And to an extent, I still believe and have a desire for that. I guess you could say, I want my cake and I want to eat it to. I just want to eat less of it now.

I realize I am not the only working mommy out there; I'm not the first and I won't be the last. This isn't a heartache only I feel and it is not a burden only I carry. I don't pretend to be alone in this.

Some mommy's are blessed and get to choose whether to stay home or pursue their careers. Others have to do one or the other to meet the financial needs of their family. Some moms wear dresses and heels and headsets by day and yoga pants fit for chasing toddlers by night. Others wear the latter on a daily basis and enjoy getting dolled up once in a blue moon.

Either way you look at it, the grass is always greener on the other side. Right?

I take comfort in the fact that I know I am providing for my son and doing something meaningful for others. I am doing what I set out to do with my life by giving a voice to those who don't have one. I'm setting the example for my son that education is important, but following your dreams and working hard is even more so. These are lessons I want my son to learn and sometimes the best way to teach is by example.

So for today, I'll end my pleads with God and thank him that I am the one who gets to teach my son these lessons. I'll thank him for the time that I do have with Pax and try to (non-cliche like) make the most of every moment. I'll even thank him for the fact that I have a job, a career in fact, and most of all for a child that makes it so difficult to go to work every day.