Sweet Dreams Little One

I don't normally hold or rock my little one to sleep, but some hard day's just need to end this way.

Being a working mom is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I've always been career driven and thought I'd have no trouble going back to work after I had a baby. But in reality, I'm a mess almost every day. I've learned to work through it and be productive, but my heart is always some place else.

I battle with thinking I'm a good enough mom. With trying to convince myself daily that I'm doing what's best for him by working full time to help financially provide for our family. With dropping him off everyday with someone who isn't me. I'm scared to miss all the "firsts" or not be there when he needs me. I know that logically and financially that right now in our lives, this is what is best for him and our family. It's better for me to ensure our family has everything it needs to live than give up financial stability. I know he is taken care of by a wonderful person each day and that he is happy. But all of that doesn't make me stop wishing things were different and that I could see his precious smile all day long.

So for now little one, I'll rock you to sleep in my arms holding you a little bit tighter for a little bit longer. I'll listen to the sound of your gentle snoring, hold your tiny hand in mine, and smile when you grin in your sleep. I'll hold these moments in my heart forever and promise every day to try to be the best mom you could ever have.

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