Questioning God

A Spotify "Morning Worship" playlist is playing softly from my computer. A now lukewarm mug of coffee is sitting on the table next to my chair. My Bible is open on my lap to the book of Romans and my son is smiling in his sleep as he lays next to me. And in this moment, I have never been more amazed or confused by the Spirit of God.

Romans 8:31 & 32 read, "If God is for us, who can be against us? He did not even spare His own Son, but offered Him up for us all; how will He not also grant us everything?"

I grew up going to church and hearing that God gave His only Son to save the world, nearly every Sunday. I've known of this sacrifice and participated in remembering it almost my whole life. But only now, in this quiet morning holding my own son, do I begin actually questioning it.

How is it, that you (God) were able to give your Son over to such pain, embarrassment, and torture? Even for the good of the rest of the world, how in those few moments were you able to look away and let your child be consumed by the darkness and hatred of others?

I've only had my son for six weeks, but there is absolutely nothing that would make me even consider doing such a thing to him. I want nothing more than to be a strong and protective force for my son.

And so I find myself, having known about this painful sacrifice my whole life, but only just now feeling its real affect. And I have to admit, it is kind of terrifying. But I also feel an astounding amount of gratitude. I am so incredibly thankful that God would pay this price, simply to bring me into His kingdom. But even more so, that He would do this for my own child. I would do anything for Paxton, and as it so happens, so would God.

In fact, so did God.

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