From Disappointed to Blessed

As a child I always had dreams of what I wanted to be when I grew up. These dreams could change as often as my favorite color, but somehow I was always sure of them. Some were honorable and ambitious, others were far-fetched and truly dreamlike. They ranged from beautician to teacher to the next Hannah Montana (back in the days where she was a respectable role model to have) to even a Starbucks barista.

By the time I needed to start narrowing down college choices and degree plans I had figured out that I really wanted to work with children and families. Doing what I still wasn’t quite positive, but I made the decision to attend Oklahoma Christian University as a Family Studies-Child Development major and never looked back. Through the course of the last seven semesters I have never questioned that I was in the right major. I have loved (almost) every class and have truly felt like I was where I belonged.

Last summer upon nearing my final year of college I still was not entirely sure what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I had it in my head that I wanted to go the Child Life Specialist route and work in hospitals with sick and dying children. I know it sounds somewhat morbid, but I truly believed it would be rewarding and that I could handle it.

Part of my major requires its students to have 126 hours of a practicum experience, working in some type of facility that will foster our hands-on growth with children and families. I was determined to get one of the very few internship spots the hospital in my area offers during the summer for those interested in becoming a Child Life Specialist. I figured I should have a back-up plan (just in case) so that if somehow I wasn’t chosen I would still be able to get my practicum done. My back-up plan became a Special Needs community near campus called Wings, although I was certain I wouldn’t need it.

I made every effort, wrote every application word with precision and caution, had more letters of recommendation than required, and said hundreds of prayers. When the moment and email saying I had not been chosen for the program came, I was devastated. I felt like I had been hit in the stomach and I was being told “Sorry, you’re not good enough for your dream”. Sure, that was probably drastic thinking, but if you knew me at all you’d know that’s just how this brain of mine works.

After licking my wounds a bit and with some hesitance I signed up for my practicum hours at Wings a few days later. But in the seconds after I entered the building and began meeting the twenty or so students my whole attitude changed. Their excitement to meet me and show me around brought a smile to my face. Their absolute love and concern for me after knowing me for an hour made me feel at home. Their laughter and raw genuine worship during chapel/praise time brought tears to my eyes (and has on several occasions).

It was in that moment, witnessing such passionate and natural love for the Lord and for others that I realized something very crucially important. I was not meant to be a beautician. I was not meant to be a super star or even a baritsa. I am not called to be a Child Life Specialist (though I highly commend those who are). God has chosen and put in me a heart for people with special needs.

I can honestly say I have never felt like I’ve had much purpose or been called towards anything like I have these last few months. This has truly become more than just a practicum log for me. My heart hurts when I’m not able to go see my friends at Wings and I can never stop smiling when I am there. The people there have shown me what it is to truly love others, love God, and to simply be myself. They are a rare and perfect beauty from God and I wish to be more like them. In the way I treat others, the way I love my family and friends, and most of all, in the way I worship and love my almighty God.

I thank God every day now that I did not get that Child Life internship. If I had, I would have never found Wings and made the friendships I have. I would have possibly never found my true calling and been unhappy or unsettled the rest of life. I am learning that even in the worst heartbreaks, disappointments, and let-downs there is something on the other side even better. There is always always something better. And who knows. It may just change your life.

#blessings #careerpath #specialneeds #Godsplan #honesty #thankful #nogoodthing #mutterings